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*edit* For purposes of clarity, "poly kid" refers to the children of poly parnets

As happens so often while riding the motorcycle, my mind wanders. This morning I seem to have focused on, what lessons can the child of poly parents learn.

Love is like investing money, the more you invest:
the more you gain.
the more you risk.

The lessons of investing teach a person to diversify their investments. This reduces your risk overall.

I have seen monogamous situations where one partner was crushed by the loss of her beloved, Stripped of all support.

I have seen poly situations, where a partner was lost to the family, and the others filled in the support, and all grew closer and stronger.

Love does not cost us physically, nor financially. It causes us to invest heart, and to risk same.

We can learn that there is sex without love. That there is pleasure in the physical coupling.

We can learn that there is love without sex. The raw energy of two hearts touching.

And there is one sided love. Where a heart reaches out, and wants to touch another, but it is not returned. This one hurts, but does not diminish the love. It almost seems like an altruistic love in a sense.

Romantic love is not something to be avoided, but cherished. If you build walls to protect yourself from hurt, you 'protect' yourself from love as well.

So, where does this fold into child rearing, you ask.
Credit your child with some intelligence. They have built in lie detectors, and the curiousity to investigate what they feel is hidden to them.

Be open about the relationships you hold with each partner. The curiousity will be appeased, and they should not dig.

Sex should not be a mystery, it should be explained, as they ask:
As a marvel of pleasure.
As a means of procreation. (and how to not procreate if not desired)
As a means of Communication.
It is not dirty. Neither is masturbation. (might want to throw in hygene issues too)
You may have feelings for one of your own sex. This is ok. You must be true to yourself, and pursue who and what you are.
That yes, as a female giving up your virginity will cause some pain, but that will be replaced by pleasure.
That, as a male, being with a virgin will cause her pain, and that you must be sensitive to that, and be prepared.
That there are multiple ways of giving and receiving pleasure. Communitcate with your partner, so that both persons needs are met.

That we are open with the child about our relationships, and that we expect her to be the same way. There is no need to hide, bring him/her home, introduce them to the family, grab a bottle of sparkling cider and some nice romantic candles, and retire to the privacy and safety of your room. You will not get in trouble for this, and it will be a heck of a lot more comfortable then the back seat of a car, and less expensive then a motel.

From watching the movie "Kinsey", Sex is an appropriate topic for the dinner table, just not too much, and not in graphic detail.

Be discreet in school about your activities, and those of your family. It is not secret, but those who do not share the same views will "hurt" you.

When you choose to love, embrace it, grab on with both hands and enjoy the ride. Like a roller coaster, there will be ups, there will be downs, thrills and spills. But in the end, all is well.

If you find yourself, waking up in the morning, snuggled between two people you care about, and who care about you, that is not wrong. That is comfort and security. Enjoy it. Lean over and kiss each of them gently, then snuggle back to sleep, the world can wait another half hour!

Honor your partners, they are a part of your life, and you theirs.
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( 10 comments — Leave a comment )
Mar. 14th, 2006 08:11 pm (UTC)
And you have these thoughts while riding your bike? Hmmm...I'll have to look into this.
Mar. 14th, 2006 08:50 pm (UTC)
What, that riding is good thinking time?
Mar. 14th, 2006 10:55 pm (UTC)
This is well written and thought provoking, no doubt. In fact, I bet other people would love to hear it- perhaps the poly list or some similar group?

I did wonder about your phrase "poly kid"- did you mean it to refer to the child of poly parents, or did you mean it to refer to a child who will grow up to be poly? Or something else?
Mar. 14th, 2006 11:02 pm (UTC)
I put a link to my seacoast poly community, Didn't crosspost it to polyamory. Should I?

And as to the definition of "poly kid" I do mean the child of poly parents, but I think that one raised with these role models and lessons has a far greater chance to become poly as well.
Mar. 15th, 2006 04:00 pm (UTC)
Nodsnods... on the greater chance I agree, if only because they're not blasted with the cultural conditioning that "monogamy is the only way to go" that is so pervasive in our culture.

As to whether you should crosspost it- I have no idea, I would say that's entirely up to you. I just had a general thought that other people might get something out of reading it... I did not know that you already had shared it with a poly list, otherwise I probably wouldn't have mentioned anything along those lines.
Mar. 16th, 2006 01:50 am (UTC)
Well, the group I linked it to was my own seacoast Poly one. Debating copying it to the big polyamory list
Mar. 16th, 2006 03:43 am (UTC)
Ah if only our general culture was more open to these ideas. We are too tied to our puritanical roots. Perhaps some century....for now I'm sure you echo the feelings of many here !!! including myself.
Mar. 16th, 2006 02:11 pm (UTC)
Less then a Century I would presume. The winds of change are already blowing, and as the next generation grows, it will spread far and wide.
Mar. 16th, 2006 07:30 pm (UTC)
another kind of love
This one only applies to folks who aren't poly.

That is: being intensely in love with a friend, whom you love with your whole heart, body and soul. . . he loves you too, but he's married to a very jealous (and also very great) woman, who is also one of your best friends. This is really painful, because the only way to get rid of the pain, is to get rid of the friend. . . and he's the person you most want to be with in the world.

ouch. this has got to be one of the reasons poly makes sense.

Mar. 16th, 2006 11:55 pm (UTC)
Re: another kind of love
That can be a complex situation. But you are not alone in it. Sometimes, over time a spouse might adjust to the concept. Good luck with it...Been there myself once!
( 10 comments — Leave a comment )